Welcome MAlan. I'm glad you're still trying. Never give up.
I was a slow learner too. I had to be brought to my knees to 'get it'. We know better, but always think we can somehow magically use our willpower to avoid disaster. It never ever works. Each time I picked up it led to danger and misery - it was much easier to get free of it and admit I couldn't touch it. You can do this.
