Welcome back!!!!!
For me, I just finally gave up. It was too much work to be an active alcoholic. I was exhausted and admitted defeat. I chose a day, didn't drink, and did everything I needed to do to stop the madness. And it was madness at the end - there is nothing more horrible than being a drunk, being drunk, and all the while KNOWING these facts but STILL DRINKING! It was lunacy. I knew I was in the grips, knew I had to stop for all of the reasons that I actually did, but I kept drinking. I was so tired of beating myself up WHILE I was drunk that I finally stopped fighting it and gave in.
I haven't regretted it for one minute. There isn't enough alcohol that I could ingest that would make me forget I'm an alcoholic and drinking again would be like putting gasoline on a fire. I would just be drunk and sick and beating myself up the whole time.
So I don't drink anymore. Moderation was a miserable failed experiment so onto the sober train I climbed, took my seat and buckled up.
Glad you reboarded
good luck!!!