Originally Posted by
jkb 
The beast is nothing more than pure selfish desire. That is all it is. IMO
And
you sound so much like me 3 months ago. Now the thought of "getting numb to unwind" seems ludicrous. I see it as a brief period of enjoyment (maybe the first 3 hours of drinking are...
) but, the price I have to pay for that 3 hours is
SHEER hell. Hangover, panic, and not even knowing what the hell I did the night before. Self-hatred in its purest form.... yep sounds like fun.
That is good to hear actually. Partying seems like fun to me, and I don't think that it is the AV talking, I think it is both of us talking. I really enjoy nice wine with my wife when the kids go down. Difference is she can take it or leave it, I can't. I want the whole bottle, so at some point it goes beyond the enjoyment of the wine, doesn't it? I'm "chasing the numb" to what? Forget the stress of the day? Because I like to feeling of being numb? Maybe a combination of things. I'll be exploring with my therapist next week so hopefully I'll get to the bottom of things.