but ultimately can't it just be that we want to numb things for a bit?
oh sure it can be that.
i wouldn't know what it is for you.
for myself, sometimes it was the opposite: it seemed like it let me experience things more intensely. and seems i wanted/needed that at times.
and i'm not saying it's necessary to ask those questions, or to get those "answers". they don't really address the issue of why i kept drinking.
they just speak to one tool i use that helps when i occasionally hear "the voice".