Payne

For the past year my left knee has been in pain rating on the one to ten scale between seven and ten constantly. I went through different phases of hiding and sleeping, fighting letting it affect my life, and last week I was told the doctors y have no her ideas besides knee replacement but I'm too young so they expect me to just live like is. In two months I get a better insurance and can and will pursue other doctors.
Well I spent a week spiralling out of control and my irrational overly emotional actions came to a head yesterday. I managed to keep most of my uncalled for jealousy and out of control feelings of abandonment to myself, so the spiral was mostly in my head and I did not cause any damage with any relationships. This morning I'm counting that as an aca win, I spiralled into full out aca but hurt no one permanently. However I can't seem to get the thoughts in my head to settle back where they should be. Because of the pain, and the burden, my abandonment issues are out of control and logically I know I selfishly want too much from those around me. No one can fix my life but me.
I'm having a hard time resetting my head post spiral. Today I was going to do a lot of housework (bad for the knee but good for the soul) then get a solid writing session in, and take my dogs to a pond so I can read and enjoy their goofy happiness.
I have been in a pretty good place for the last few month and this spiralling out of control definitely sucks almost as much as how it feels.