I am a recovered alcoholic (recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body and still recovering around emotional things) for 32 years now and I too will say:
If you were my daughter, I'd want something else for you. I would not want you to risk your happiness on something so powerful over which you have no control.
How about you checking out some Alanon and/or some one on one counseling with an addiction therapist for you? It never hurts to know ourselves and it actually become an attribute in deciding what we really do want in our lives.
Love and hugs,