Hi Tired - I’m on day 8 and can really relate to your post. I have the same fear and scary thoughts – especially the fear of picking up again and feeling dumb. I also have a few parties coming up and have decided to just take the days as they come. I’m going to trust myself to make the right decisions based on how I’m feeling at the moment – and if that means missing a party and disappointing some people – so be it. In regards to AA, I’ve been to three meetings so far – and they’ve all been different – different people, stories, atmosphere, etc. I’ve also struggled with the motivation to get to more meetings – especially on days where I don’t feel particularly tempted to drink or when I feel like I haven’t had a particularly enlightening experience at past meetings. I’ve been trying to rework my thinking and realize that if I don’t go to a meeting, I might be missing out on that “light bulb” moment that I’ve really been waiting for. I’m consciously working to keep my mind open and absorb as much I can. I’ve been numbing my mind and senses with alcohol for a long time – so it’s proving to be quite a challenge! Not everything I’ve heard at a meeting has resonated with me, but I have found some great comfort seeing folks happy and content with life who have started out right where I am now.