What a beautiful, honest and for me, very familiar post. You have a great way with words. We anxious, hot messes, usually do.
Let me ask you this, without running the risk of sounding to woo woo, have you ever looked into the concepts of spiritual ascension, indigo or crystalline people ? There is a lot of info out there for people like us. Extreme sensitives who have to cope by any way of self deprecation whatsoever.