Concerned About My Nephew
Hi,
My 30-year-old sister got divorced from her physically abusive husband four years ago, and she moved across the country with my five-year-old nephew to live with my parents. My mother is an alcoholic and my father has buried his head in the sand about the issue since it first reared its ugly head about 25 years ago. He keeps himself busy with his consulting work and many business trips, and actually encourages her drinking in his presence.
My sister is suffering as a result of growing up in this environment. I believe she has an eating disorder and a very poor self image. She refuses to get help, and keeps hoping that she'll find a man with enough money to rescue her from living with my parents. She has a job as a waitress five days a week. She's qualified to be a nurse but cannot find a job where she lives, and doesn't have the money to move away.
I have been in therapy for 13 years. I am 33, male. It has been very challenging, but I am on the path to becoming a happy and successful adult. My experiences while growing up have given me a unique depth that I would not exchange for anything.
But the point of my e-mail is that I'm concerned for my nephew. I'm past trying to help my sister and mother, but I still feel a responsibility for the innocent child in the family (like I once was).
My sister leaves my nephew at home during the day with my alcoholic mother while she works. On occasion, my sister has returned home to find my nčphew wondering the house alone with my mother in a drunken sleep on the sofa. My mother has even forgotten to feed my nephew at times because of her drinking. I have spoken extremely firmly to my sister on the phone about this (I live in New York and they are in Florida), but she still leaves my nephew with my mother because she can't afford a babysitter. What makes me even more annoyed is that she is planning to leave my nephew with my mother for the weekend while she goes on a trip with a friend. Whenever I bring the issue up with her, my sister gets defensive and says, "what am supposed to do? Have no life of my own? Just sit here with my son 24/7?"
My sister loves my nephew, but quite frankly, she doesn't seem to have the wisdom to "get" my concern. She is a nice person, and so are my parents, but they are all damaged and unwilling to change.
What can I do as the caring uncle in this situation? I am concerned for my nephew's safety.
Thank you very much in advance for your help :-)
HappyAdult