Fenris, I am so sorry for what you are going through just now. I left my first husband through his drinking, I needed to leave for my own survival, but the hurt and guilt I felt at the pain I caused him was horrible. In recent months I have put myself in a similar situation, by owning up to my husband about my alcoholism. Now, if I do not stay clean, he may well walk, that is a big motivator for me. I know how easy it is for that voice to lure us back in, but I know now, that I can never listen to it. You have a child together, there will be contact. Who knows what may happen in the future if you manage your sobriety now. I wish you all the best my friend, having seen it from both sides, it is equally painful.