Reflecting on my time here...
A recent comment about how long I have been at SR got me thinking about why I still participate in this forum. I've been separated from my AH since 2005 and divorced since 2007. My life since then has been an amazing, sometimes agonizing, adventure and I am truly happy with where I am. But, I haven't forgotten what brought me here nor the difficult lessons learned along the way.
When I first mustered the courage to post about my situation, after lurking for more than a year, I wasn't prepared for the responses I would get. I was such a victim. I was so right and my AH was so wrong. I never dreamed that people on this board would challenge my thought process and ask me to look at myself rather than him. I mean, he was the one causing all the problems in my life, right? Surely I had nothing to do with the situation I found myself in, other than having the bad luck to have married an alcoholic.
It's been a very long and bumpy road to get to where I am today, and I am fairly certain there will be more bumps ahead. But, having people who cared enough about me to grab me by the shoulders and point my gaze in a different direction has been my saving grace. Oh, I got my back up a few times, and felt insulted more than once. And as I have shared my lessons over the years, I have seen others get their back up, too. I have also seen some of those people make fantastic changes and turn their lives around. This is what keeps me coming back. That, and the fact that I have made some wonderful friends on this board, some whom I have never met in person, and a few who I have actually had the pleasure to meet in real life. Of all the internet forums I've participated in over the years, this is only one where I feel genuine friendship. Maybe that's because I've found people here who have challenged and questioned me and shown me another way to see things.
Currently, I'm facing some challenges that have nothing to do with alcholism, and yet, the lessons I've learned continue to serve me as I trudge forward into this new territory. I've been turned down by the bank for a HAMP modification of my mortgage and am facing foreclosure. There was a time in my life that I would have been a mess of anxiety over the possibility of losing my house and having to move into a tiny rental. But I'm not worried because I know things will work out as they should. This is just another adventure unfolding in my life and I look forward to the new possibilities that will come as a result.
Some of you may have noticed that I do not come around here as much as I used to, and I suppose that is part of the process as well. I have much to work on with my photography business and it takes much more of my time to do it than just the actual shooting of photos. While I'm not around every day like I once was, I don't intend to leave altogether because this board still occupies a very special place in my heart and soul. And my hope is that I might possibly serve as an inspiration to those who feel lost and stuck and victimized by the A in their life. I can relate to that. It is possible to change your life if you are willing to make difficult changes in yourself. Life is a wonderful, beautiful, amazing, challenging, difficult journey, and I will remain a work in progress the rest of my days. Thank you for sharing the adventure with me.