Originally Posted by
Living 
PIY - your thread/history is a true testament of addiction/abuse/denial and all the effects it has on one's life. Do not give up.
First off, the only advice I can give is from a personal standpoint. I am not a medically trained person. So here it is: Take care of yourself first. You have had a lot of trauma in life due to addiction/self inflicted abuse by your Mom/enabling this by both your sister and yourself. Time to let go and get yourself in to Therapy.
Once you have more grounding, even though you know yourself that you are not at fault for anything, only then will you be able to help your Dad, Mother and Sister. So hard to say this, but it is time for you to help yourself. Dad and Mom enable each other. Why would she stay in a marriage that involves pyscholigical and physical abuse after her kids are grown??? Why would she blame you for not being there for her??? Why is your sister denying the truth?? Get yourself removed and seek help alone.
Once YOU and only YOU can go back to your family and state the obvious, will all of this ever heal. Will it happen?? I truly doubt it. No one in your family has confronted either your Mother of Father about the obvious truth. Your Mother needs you and your Sister for support. She does not want to acknowledge and accept her own life and decisions.
You on the other hand, do not have to repeat history. You can and WILL live a happy life with or without them. It is up to you. Most of my family is dead and I miss them tremendously, but if you are being truthful in your statements, then I am happy that I had a great family and they are deceased from health reasons or addiction. YOU CAN STOP THIS PATTERN FROM REPEATING.
Be honest with Mom, Dad and Sister. State that you are going for therapy and they are welcome to attend or get their own. Do not give in. Tell your Dad the trauma of his addiction and the life he in your eyes have left you with. Tell your Mother that you do not and cannot understand why she allowed and continues to allow this behaviour towards all of the family. Is she and addict or a co-dependant??? Tell your Sister, that if she want's to be favorite and not try to get help for your parent's - it is all in her hands.
GET YOURSELF HELP FIRST. Stop this right now. You will never move on and have a healthy relationship until you resolve past issues and learn to deal with the reality of now. Save yourself. Live a happy life with or without your family.
Sorry for coming of harsh. Welcome to SR and PLEASE keep posting.
Yes, I have been in therapy for three years alone...told my parents/sister why. Mom was very supportive in the beginning but since I have actually started to take action she is hating it. I told her in May it was her idea I started therapy again and joking said, I was going to start sending them my bills.
Told my Dad on December 30 the effects of his drinking has caused me a lot of pain as both a child and an adult. And I told him that he turns into a different person when he drinks and I hate that person. He sat there, hugged me, said it would never happen again and said he loved me more than anything. It wasn't until distance did I see what a crock of **** that was. He is your typical abuser! Does whatever the hell he wants and then apologizes, says he loves you and it will never happen again...wow. Does that sound familiar.
I also told my mom to stop blaming my boyfriends for the "way I am." She says that I always pick "real winners" and they all treat me like ****. I say...I wonder why that is?!? Could it be because the male role model I had treated me and my mother like **** and that was all I knew? That's why the first time my ex did hit me it wasn't such a shock...I thought that happened in all relationships.
My parents are clearly in the denial stage. My mom is a co-dependant and my sister, the master manipulator, my dad, the abusive alcoholic. It stinks that I have to take this kind of stand for them to wake up. I do believe my mom knows. I have shared with her on many occasions the way I feel. I decided years ago that man will NEVER walk me down the aisle, it would be the biggest farce EVER! In fact, if I were to get married before they get help...they will not be invited to my wedding. This is no longer a joke and Mr. ToughGuy isn't going to use threats and physical abuse to bully me into doing anything.