I too am struggling at night. I have depression brought on by the rows we had and the atmosphere in the house leading up to when we split. At that point I sunk lower than I have ever done. I blamed him for everything, only now, after reading so much on here I realise how much I contributed to the demise of the relationship. It is a scarey thought process, I always thought I was 'better' than him, more in control etc but I made him as miserable as he made me. The difference is he found someone else while we were still together and found his happiness there. I am left with my sadness and a realisation of all my problems so a double whammy.
I returned to work yesterday and that brought a certain level of normality to the day but last night again I slept awful. We were together 13 years so I can still lie in bed and 'feel' him, I know his body shape in my mind, I can imagine cuddling him to the point of it almost being real. Knowing he is just up the road with someone else makes it so much harder.
I woke this morning feeling and looking awful, the circles under my eyes are getting worse. I want to spring back to being happy like he is but I can't. It's going to take so long and I'm jealous of his happiness. Today is the day he finds out whether he is made redundant from the forces in the latest cuts in the UK, it was on the news. I knew the date anyway. Hearing it but not knowing what his future (what our future was I thought) holds is really hard. We talked daily, I was part of his life and decisions and now I'm nothing to him, replaced so easily.
It is so painful and I am going through it with you.