Originally Posted by
BabyJane 
I guess it could just be the week (month?) I'm having lately but I don't think I'm going to stay sober after my year is up. I promised myself I would do a year. I have 7 months. I've changed a lot of things about my life; I've put tremendous effort into this. But I still feel totally awful. I'm just sad. Everyone said things would change. Things did change but I don't think I did. I'm still a totally useless, pathetic depressed person more often than not. You want to know what I did today? Nothing. I hid in my room reading. Because when I leave my house I want to freak. I came on SR and wrote something about how I was obsessing over drugs and everyone ignored it. Probably because it was a stupid thing to say, but it just reinforced how alone I am. I haven't gotten better I just lost the only things I had to cope with my lame life and those were drugs and alcohol. I don't know what I will do after my son is born but I don't think it's going to be good. I am still committed to my year, at which time he will be here. Thank God his father is not a useless junkie like me!!! I think of running away to South America, where I lived growing up, and doing drugs until I die. Sorry this post got really dark. I don't even know what's wrong with me. It's so so hard you guys why is it this hard???
Ok I'm done.
Well, why dont you leave your room and challenge yourself to be a part of the community and try new things? It wont be comfortable at first, but you can do it. In sobriety, it only works in the long term if you gain something from it, which means you have to be proactive and GAIN something. You freed yourself from abusing alcohol, now what is next? What is something else you can tackle and conquer? It wont work if you dont keep building and moving forward. You may have 7 months, but your at a standstill. You stopped drinking, but didnt start living. You cant fully experience the joys of sobriety if you stop putting in the effort to change and better your life. That is no way to live, and these dark thoughts you have are a product of spending too much time alone, living in your head. Its super unhealthy, but it doesn't have to be this way. Change it! Start with something small..........go to the store, even a gas station. One step a day towards a better you, and take all the time you need as long as your doing SOMETHING. Does that make sense? You can do this, and I promise, you will feel better.
P.S People dont answer a lot of my posts, despite like 200 views. Who cares? Addicts can be an anti-social bunch, so I wouldn't let it get to you.