Originally Posted by BabyJane

I guess it could just be the week (month?) I'm having lately but I don't think I'm going to stay sober after my year is up. I promised myself I would do a year. I have 7 months. I've changed a lot of things about my life; I've put tremendous effort into this. But I still feel totally awful. I'm just sad. Everyone said things would change. Things did change but I don't think I did. I'm still a totally useless, pathetic depressed person more often than not. You want to know what I did today? Nothing. I hid in my room reading. Because when I leave my house I want to freak. I came on SR and wrote something about how I was obsessing over drugs and everyone ignored it. Probably because it was a stupid thing to say, but it just reinforced how alone I am. I haven't gotten better I just lost the only things I had to cope with my lame life and those were drugs and alcohol. I don't know what I will do after my son is born but I don't think it's going to be good. I am still committed to my year, at which time he will be here. Thank God his father is not a useless junkie like me!!! I think of running away to South America, where I lived growing up, and doing drugs until I die. Sorry this post got really dark. I don't even know what's wrong with me. It's so so hard you guys why is it this hard???

Ok I'm done.