Hi Babyjane, I'm grateful for your post because I feel similar a lot of the time. 11 months clean and me and my life hasn't changed the way I was hoping or expecting it would.
I know you feel like crap, but if you try I bet you can see some changes. Getting clean and staying clean for your son is huge. Getting honest and posting on SR is significant too.
It is hard being clean and miserable. It doesn't seem fair. But if you stay clean and maybe follow some of the suggestions on this site, and trudge on through for a little while, there is a chance things will get better.