Scott, the words you write certainly resonate to how I felt less than 6 months ago. I felt like my situation was impossible, like things would never change. Trust me, it can change and you can do this. You are not alone and there is hope. Just one decision, one day can make a difference.
Have you thought about a plan that you'd like to take to begin your sobriety? You can do this. Let's do this Scott, we're here for you.