Originally Posted by
Tuffgirl 
WTBH, my great guy friend has been in my life (on the periphery) for a good 7 years. And you know something funny? This past winter, he had a short term relationship and I found myself jealous. Not hugely, but enough to recognize I had feelings for him that were more than just friends too.
My talking about my issues is more related to where my head is at the moment (like you!). This guy is a GOOD MAN. I would need to be in the place to accept this in my life. Right now, I am working on re-calibrating my picker so I can be the person I know he'd expect in his life AND accept him for who he is too. More to be revealed here, that's for sure.
But I have no regrets enjoying him as a person who is kind, understanding, and supportive.
I just recognize it is more than just friends but less than romantic involvement, if that make sense. Like we are both wanting the same thing only the timing hasn't been right - I think I said that already - but timing does matter.
But I will say this - it isn't complex or complicated at all. It's actually one of the few healthy relationships I've had with a man in a while, and what a blessing that has been to have a comparison between the unhealthy ones and the healthy ones!
Enjoy yourself! Life is short....
You know what-- when we parted ways (the friend and I), after I was separated from AH I had to admit that I too might have been feeling more than what I should have. And at that time in my life it would have been a reallllllly bad idea to play with fire like that. At the time I chalked my feelings up to being desperate/lonely/so unaccustomed to someone treating me normally and that I didn't actually have real feelings beyond friendship etc...
But yesterday when I saw him and we talked it was like running into a long lost friend. It was just so easy and comfortable. He was interested in my girls and asked about them, I wanted to know about his kids, we talked about students we shared and how they were, we talked about ourselves... It was simple and easy and I realized after I left that even if we just were to be friends, my feelings about him being a good guy back several years ago were totally accurate...
You know what I liked that makes me think he's a nicer guy than your average joe? This probably sounds lame but I will say it anyway... I liked that I was literally half dressed running at the gym in a sports bra and running skirt when he came by to say hi and not once in the 45 min we talked did I feel like he was checking me out-- he didn't make a "wow you look good" (though I think I did- LOL!) comment or make any comments about me physically... I think that when a man can be complimentary and talk to me without making me feel like I am being scoped out, that's a good thing. Talking with him reminded me that I am more than what I look like (for YEARS xAH told me I was lucky I wasn't ugly bc that was all I had going for me and I got a little obsessive about trying to look perfect, be pretty and think that if I looked the part of the happy put together woman, then my life would be happy).
So, I am a little hyper conscious about people valuing me for how I look and it is an issue I have talked a lot about in therapy... Anyway, it was nice to talk to my friend and have what I had to say, and how my kids were and my sense of humor matter more than my physical appearance...
Like I said- maybe that sounds lame... To me it's important