I think with family as with other people, that pesky truth still stands that people treat you like you allow them to.
My situation is slightly different - we were encouraged to be individuals, however, we were DEFINED. Since I made the mistake of marrying a drunk, I have been defined as She Who Must Be Given Constant Advice And Pity. (Forget the fact that my sister is going through some midlife crisis and has joined a cult and is giving them her life savings. I'm the one who's in trouble.
)
It's hard because you sort of feel obligated to humor them. But I found that I needed boundaries with them as with other people or they'd simply eat me alive. I think we're a family of Codies all trying to boss each other around... Except I'm the only one working a program.
I started with going "mhm" and letting their advice go in one ear and out the other, but as I've gotten further in my recovery, I've felt the need to be clearer. I've told my sister to back off (sometimes harsher than maybe necessary). I've told my parents to stop meddling in my relationship with my sister. I've told my entire FOO that My communications with them is communication with individual persons, and since they are unable to refrain from using my life as dinner conversation (they're all 3,000 miles away) I won't share things with any of them that I need to be kept in confidence.
Yeah, things are a bit frosty between us right now but that's still better. I figure they'll get the message eventually...