There's nothing "wrong" with you. I think your feelings are entirely normal, under the circumstances.
You're right, though, that begging him to be there will not have a good outcome.
I don't know that I, personally, would care to have my family present when I am giving birth. I think I would rather choose a trusted friend, if I had one, or go it alone.
This is YOUR birth experience. I think you need to spend a little time thinking how you can make it as good an experience as you can, knowing that you cannot count on him to go through this with you.
And yes, the hormones do not help.
Hugs,