Thread: Father's Day
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Old 06-15-2013, 05:23 PM
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story74
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 559
Father's Day

Oh my. I know, it is a hallmark day, BUT it still bothers me. Not to the point of crying and convulsion...I understand reality and accept it. But, needless to say, it bothers me...a little. My son has no clue what day it is tomorrow. Sometimes I am thankful this day is during the summer! I feel like that sometimes I am feeling the pain that one day my son will feel. I have to remember what it feels like so I can be there for him.

Most holidays I get a little anxious. Is this the day the xah will call and I have to deal with him again? You see, dealing with him was awful. Having him outta my life is wonderful. The best present ever, but you never know when he will turn up. That is what I hate. I try to prep on how I will deal with it. But, I really don't know. It really is getting easier and easier to understand. And the more I heal the more I realize how badly he treated us. I do have rights and boundries. I will be ok. My son is very strong, and will be able to hold his own. WE will be ok no matter what. I am understanding that more and more.

We haven't heard from the xah for almost 8 months. It really has been divine. I don't need a drug addict in my life, and nor does my son. He moved without telling me. He owes me 2k in state mandated child support. He is an addict. My son has seen him 3 times in a year. We haven't heard from him on any holidays. So, hopefully he will stay away.

I am glad that I don't have to deal with an addict. My son is happy and growing out of his anger issues. I feel the happiest I have felt in years. Happier and stronger than when I was with my x. We are coping and doing really well. I still hold on to a bit of sadness. Just a little. Not like before. And today I felt just a little sad. I don't want to be that person who hates this type of holiday. I want to enjoy it woth my father who has not only been there for me, but helped raise my son. I see the good. There is nothing wrong in a day recognition. But, it is hard to see that my son has lost out on a father. That is what I see and hear when everyone is talking about and posting pictures of father's day. I feel a loss for the family I wish I had.

My direction is this. I am my son's mother and father and will celebrate as such. I will teach him reverance for what my father has given him. I will teach him what it means to be a good father, and hope and pray that one day he will be. All I can to is perservere.
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