Close your eyes for a few moments. Take a few deep breaths. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Focus on the breathing. The air coming in is cool, fresh and blue. The air going out is hot, stale and red. Get rid of it. It's full of the self-hate that your AV loves. The self-hate your AV will use against you in the future if you keep it in. Blow it out. Be done with that emotion.
It's all of us against the addiction. Get back in the fight. We need you.