IWTBB,
That self hate is what got me in that circle of hell and kept me in it for so long. Turn that feeling around and hand it back to the cr*p that made you feel that way. Its not you. You are not a bad person and you deserve a good life.
10 days was not wasted. I did the very same thing after 14 days awhile back. It showed me nothing had changed in that world. It was that experience that gave me the strength to finally do it. That is when I left it and never looked back.
You can do this.