Really glad to hear from you Fenway. There is a lot of insight in that post. I can relate to the over thinking. Eckhart Tolle says to not be able to stop thinking is a dreadful affliction. Haha. Things became a little easier for me when someone wrote to just do the next right thing. It's amazing how honestly helpful some of the cliches are when you can appreciate what they mean. I just made the best decision for my sobriety on the one next thing I had to face. And I did it over and over. And after many many cravings and struggles I made it through sober, it eventually got better. My self esteem improved by accomplishing this, and that's when I realized I deserved to live sober, that it was a desirable way to live and I deserved it. I really really hope you start to see it that way too. As for the shyness, I don't think any guy finds a little outgoing-ness worth having to hold your hair, hide your keys, keeping you calm, fighting, or whatever bad things come from your drinking. Find the one who can see through the shyness, who can take the time to get to know you, and have a genuine relationship with. You are worth it.