I have to agree, it's just your emotions coming through without being numbed. I abused a LOT of things, got addicted to crack.
When I chose recovery, I kept reading "feel your feelings" and I honestly didn't know how to do that? FWIW, I'm also a codependent in recovery, so I had a double whammy.
What I learned is that feelings won't kill me. They may make me edgy, tearful, angry, or a number of emotions, but I survived. Each time I got through that, I got a bit stronger.
I lurked here for a couple of years, finally signed on at 6 months clean. My point to this is that someone once mentioned "all you've been through in the last year" and I had to wonder WTF they were talking about?
Oh yeah....going before the judge with over $4,000 in tickets with $1000 I'd worked hard for and he dismissed everything else because I was in recovery. There were many other things but honestly? Though they were HUGE when I was going through them and I burned up the threads on SR, I'd gotten through them and didn't even think of them as a big deal.
Every step forward is a milestone...even being grateful for something small.
Though I don't think I went through PAWS (I went from opiates to crack) I do know that even the smallest things we get through mean a lot. After making $40/hour, and now making a little over minimum wage with a horrid boss? I made it. After being unemployed for several months then finding a job that was just over minimum wage? YAY! Driving down the road and seeing goats with their babies? YAY!!
When I started looking for stuff to be grateful for (OMG, my car is on empty and I made it to the gas station!!) it really did help.
Recovery is hard, at first. I can promise you, though, as you continue on that path, you will find more to be grateful for and you will grow into a "new and improved" person. I don't mean that bad things won't happen, that you won't want to beat yourself up for what you've done. Been there, done that.
What I can promise you is that the more you work it, however you do it (SR is my main support) is that you will learn to love yourself, you will learn what is good for you and what is not.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy