"This behavior is not OK with me."
Welcome, sleepwalking, and I would say that you seem pretty wide awake!
It is so typical, so predictable, that the gf's of alcoholics or drug addicts start very early minimizing the drinking, the using, repress their anger and instead decide to be sympathetic and "helpful," and have no clear boundaries about what they need and require in relationship (such as: a SOBER partner, dependability, a feeling of emotional safety, physical safety--drunk partner means drunk driver--and the basic list of reasonable expectations for mature relationship). I think your anger is a very healthy response!
Your exbf has probably been drinking since adolescence, which means he has been avoiding maturing, dealing with reality, and learning how to be an equal partner to another person. Alcoholism is a disease of selfishness. The alcoholic is demanding and controlling, either overtly or in a covert threatening way. This is because anyone who comes between him and alcohol is seen as an enemy and he will not tolerate anything other than things being exactly his way.
He may come around again, it is a predictable pattern that alcoholics do that, and if he does, and you feel confused about what to do, as suggested go to Al-Anon and I also recommend you pick up a copy of "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drews, as it specifically describes the ways alcoholics control and intimidate their partners.
SR is here if you need some backbone!