lizatola

No, I haven't. I have been seeing a therapist and last week she nearly diagnosed me with PTSD because of the dog attack my dog and I suffered through almost 2 weeks ago now. I wonder if some of my emotions are related to what happened to me during that attack: the screaming I was doing, the crying and weeping on the ground as I held my bleeding puppy. We were covered in poop and pee and I had blood all over my clothes when we took him into the emergency vet. I remember my AH saying, "See, this is why I take him in the desert or to the park." I was walking the dog, on a leash, on a well lit street, and got attacked by 2 American bulldogs but how is his way always better? He takes the dog into the desert, at night, off leash, and that somehow would have prevented this attack from happening? UGH! Oh, and my dog was bit by a pitbull at the park about a month beforehand so how is the park any better, duh?

And, so I have been sitting here wondering just what the hell I married? Not whom, but what. He was gentle with the dog and he was supportive of me, as best as he could be as my own wounds healed but he always has these cutting remarks that make me realize that I will never measure up to his 'way' of doing things. Not that I care anymore, but I'm just tired of hearing about how much better his way is, LOL.

Many times my son will make comments and say: What dad said wasn't nice, what's his problem?


As for the 4 A's that Ms Pink mentioned: I feel like I'm between anger and acceptance in various places of my life. I have anger in certain ways, but then I feel acceptance depending on whether I'm looking at just myself or at my life on a broader scale. I know that, for now, I am not near action. And, I believe that it's Ok for me to journey on and see what my HP has in store for me.

I'm also planning on switching therapists as mine just told me she's dropping my insurance plan. This was a huge decision for me as I've been with this woman for over a year, but I had already been thinking of taking the summer off from counseling and just working my Al Anon stuff, attending more meetings, etc. I knew I could continue with her at a discounted rate but that would still be more than what I pay now.

Anyhoo, lots of changes going on. AH is currently depressed about his work situation: they are changing his commission plan and that always sends him into despair. He feels entitled to be paid more, he feels that they are unfair, and he gets angry and depressed. So, I am attending a convention on Friday and Saturday and I can't wait to get out of the house, LOL!