But to think that my picker is permanently broken because I am a codependent and that I am incapable of having a healthy relationship complete with spark or fireworks makes me want to give up before I even try.
No, you are definitely not broken permanently. As long as I am alive there are choices to be made. Might make mostly good choices, but I do not believe I would ever be 100% on the mark.
Just as you have been through a painful process, it was also a great strengthening process, you have built up your "oh no, i will NOT put up with any of that foolishness!" muscle.
Your radar has been recalibrated to healthy, non addicted people.
The thing about the spark is, just wait a few minutes, days, weeks to check it out.
Using the word spark is difficult, because it makes it seem so short, like snap! and you missed your chance.
No, you didn't miss anything, you just didn't head to the bridal shop and the wallpaper store the same afternoon. (as dandylion put so well hehehehe)
Mary, you are a very nice, kind, thoughtful, loving and compassionate woman.
You will find your guy. No doubt in my mind at all.
Maybe keep yourself open to the quiet sparks, the sparklers instead of the M80's.
How about crackle crackle crackle pop? like a fireplace?
Instead of sharp light and KA-BOOM! like a thunderbolt.
Have any men chimed in on this thread?
I would like to hear what they think of this subject.