Hello Jax, I'm glad you found this site but am sorry for what has brought you here. I am also the mom of an addict. It is always hard to write that. My beautiful lovely son is addicted to meth. It's been 5 years of chaos. He did have 9 months clean at one point so I know when he's ready again he's got the tools. I, and many others here, understand the feelings of powerlessness you are feeling. This is a great site. I trust you'll find a lot of support here. I just truly reached a spot where I recognized no amount of my wanting my son to get clean was going to work if he didn't want it for himself. I handed him to God and stopped putting cushions under his bottom. I like to say God can't help him if I'm blocking the doorway. I love my son with all my heart but have had to remove the daily emotional bombs getting lobbed at me. It's been 8 months of very little contract but the message is the same. When you decide you want help I will do whatever I can to help you get the help you need. His messages have begun indicating he is getting closer...if only we could love them clean. I have been using this time to learn as much as I can about addiction and appropriate boundaries. My hope and intent is when he chooses recovery I won't try doing it for him!! I want him to own every single piece of success he earns. Thinking of you. Sending you strength...and again, welcome to the forum.