Originally Posted by
Hevyn 
I want to welcome you too Snowed. I hope being here will help you feel less anxious and give you hope.
I know just how you feel - been there many times. When I found SR I was drinking all day, every day. I couldn't imagine a way out. I started to read and post here, and before long I decided I wanted what the people here had - freedom. I had to admit drinking wasn't doing a thing for me - it was no longer fun or relaxing or a way to cope. The good times I once had with it were many years ago - and they were never coming back. Somehow I'd gone from social drinking to alcoholic drinking. It had become a necessity. Alcohol wanted me dead. I wasn't ready to give up on life. Something was different the last time. I made it. (5 yrs. 5 mos.) You can too, Snowed. Let's give this another try.
I do wonder if I'll ever completely despise getting drunk or high. It doesn't do much for me 9 times out of 10 but that ONE time it works makes my stupid old brain think it's worth 90%+ of my life being s**t. If it were possible for me to hate alcohol purely and completely then I think I would've hit that point now, being 41 and in this situation for over 20 years.
Is it possible to recover when there is still some allure to your DoCs? A lot of people have told me 'no' and if that's the case then I'm royally screwed unless I can find a way to hates those one days out of ten?