beatle

Today, I am a year and a half sober. For some reason, it's been a little tough today. I find that at this stage of sobriety, I get urges but they are rarely overwhelming though. From time to time I will write down memories that remind me of what I was going through during my drinking days. Today I listed the more memorable pros and cons:

I do miss:
- Relaxing with wine and the resulting state of euphoria that seems to be unobtainable naturally.
- Alcohol is a great escape for boredom.
- Letting loose with friends, so what if we’re all drunk if we’re having fun.

I do not miss:
• The horrible Anxiety!
• Emotional fluctuations.
• Passing out instead of falling asleep.
• Dementia.
• Dry heaves, especially when brushing my teeth.
• Mornings, always the worst time of the day (my favorite now).
• Bloating.
• Self criticism
• I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.
• Panic of planned evening events and how I will make it sober.
• Evenings and weekends revolving around alcohol.
• Wake up nights looking for leftover alcohol.
• All day binges, missing work and feeling horrible the next morning.
• Being sedentary
• Looking outside the window drunk, realizing I'm missing out on life
• Afraid to go to church.
• Admiring those who were active and didn't drink
• Holding my breath for fear that someone was going to smell the booze.
• Trying to act sober at home and in front of others.
• Hiding my empty bottles so others didn't know how much I drank.
• Sleeplessness.
• Shopping at different stores so people didn't think I had a problem.
• Thinking I could never “get out of this”.
• Worrying about morning drinking.
• Fear of days off, didn’t know if I could control my drinking.
• Running out during the movie to chug alcohol in the car only to return and fall asleep during the movie.
• Not being able to read a book.
• Not being able to handle important issues the next day.

I could add more and I suspect the cons list will grow more rapidly than the pros. But for today, I'm reminded that I'm blessed to be sober.