The biggest thing I have learned through my STBXAH....the A will find an enabler no matter how many wise up and leave or stop enabling. They seek them out and then set their alchy hooks in deep...The only thing you can do is focus on your actions and ensure that you are out of the enabling game. The rest is her property. You will drive yourself crazy thinking about how others are enabling her or trying to change someone else. I know, I did this to myself for a long time....