Hi NikNox!
I am so glad to hear from you.
How are you doing?
Your family, your step daughter and your husband?
You know this, but I will say it anyway, nothing you can do for the drunk mum, and nothing your can tell the enabling boyfriend.
If this is causing you stress in any way shape or form, please go to AlAnon and remember we are powerless.
Powerless over alcohol.
It seems that drunk mum has chosen to die drinking, it is not a good way to die, my father died from cirrhosis.
I would consider it lucky step daughter has decided not to have any contact, in order to lessen the strain on her young life.
NikNox, the same goes for you.
Bring all that focus back to your lovely little family. Any energy wasted on an alcoholic deep in addiction is doubly sad to me. It not only causes you stress and strain but it will end badly anyway.
NikNox, you have been more than supportive of your step daughter, given her such a normal life that she figured out that her mom is toxic to her.
Do your own self that same favor, word about drunk mum is aggravating and upsetting to you, because you know there is a way out.
But, since she will not, can not choose that, you must let go.
Let go of any ideas of her changing, especially since she has found someone who, as described is crazy with codependency.
Let them do what they will. Live your life. It is good now. Leave the sick people to their illness.
I wish you peace and serenity NikNox, you are a wonderful woman who spent so much of herself helping her sick step daughter step into the light.
Please enjoy that and put the sick people out of your mind.
Do what you do best, take care of yourself first (so you are strong) then take care of your family.
I grew up as neglected (maybe not physically) as your step-daughter. I thank my HP every day for people like you who step up and say "this girl needs help and attention, I will do it".
No need to hold on to any more anger against the mum, what she does with the rest of her life is none of your business. Only in a way that would effect your daughter, and if your daughter has gone "no contact" I suggest the same for you.
Less anger and angst for you. I do understand why you feel as you do. It is time for you now. Do you.
Lovingly and respectfully your friend,
Beth