Thanks Hydrogirl. It's actually just dawned on me that we were probably enabling her too, by allowing her into our home so we could facilitate contact between her & SD. We did that last October because at the time she had been told she would die in a year if she didn't stop drinking & so we made the effort so as to ensure SD saw her. But, thinking back we were the ones who contacted her to come over, invited her to Parents evening at school etc., and accepted her into our home when she had been drinking. We gave her the wrong message - we should have made her do the running around, we should have made her make contact with SD without being prompted or invited to. We thought we were doing the right thing, and clearly we weren't. Since we, & SD have stepped back, she hasnt bothered, at all.
At least now we're not enabling her, which is something, but if she dies soon & SD hasn't seen her I know we will feel guilty. God I hate this, so so much.