Welcome Andi...my dad was what some might consider to be a "dry" drunk. He was selfish, narcissistic, and abusive at times. You are not alone, and you'd be surprised how many other people (probably some of your close friends) have the same problem you do. When I look back on my childhood and my friends, I struggle to even think of one who had a "normal" life. The things I would keep in mind are that first and foremost - it has nothing to do with YOU. YOU could be absolutely perfect in every way, and he would still treat you the way he does, becuase this is all about HIM. You did not cause it and you are a valuable and precious child - that he does not or can not see that, is a great loss to him. Please know that... We are all here for you and can certainly relate. You have nothing, and I mean nothing, to be ashamed of or feel guilty about...you have been put in a bad situation, you didn't ask for it! I think it's fabulous that you have the courage to seek help and support - and I hope we can help alleviate some of your fears and disappointments. God bless you sweetie!
This is a difficult disease to understand for us that are much older than you, so I can't imagine trying to translate this all at 15 years old...although, you are much wiser than I was at that age. I lived in secrecy and shame, and just assumed it was normal to have people you love treat you like crap. I'm paying the price for that belief now - so, I pray you will listen to these wise people and gain some knowledge and understanding. I wish I could give you a great big hug right now... it will all be okay in the end sweetie, because of your strength and your actions, regardless of what he does! He can't take away your happiness and your dignity, if you don't let him. I know that's hard to understand now, but it's true.