When I was actively drinking, I too, didn't like going to the doctor. I believe it was because I knew I was trashing my body and was ashamed and felt judged. Now that I'm sober, I'm finding that I'm not afraid to go to the doctor anymore. In fact I have a full physical scheduled in a few weeks. I'm nervous about what I may find out but at least I will know. I hope you find the strength to stop drinking and seek the medical help; you are worth it!