Dear Yurt, First, I want to express my sympathy to you and your husband on the passing of your MIL. Along with the passing of your dear cat--this has truly been a difficult passage for your family.
Also, I want to give you a helpful hint about (not) enabling. A simple definition can be: Not doing something for someone else than they CAN and SHOULD be doing for themselves.
Hang in---you are doing fine,
dandylion