A Week it has Been!
I am so grateful that I found this board, as it has been a tumultuous week. When I first logged on, I whined and complained about my AH and was greeted with compassion, understanding, and some fresh perspectives. Thank you to everyone that responded.
It is the start of Summer break for me, and I think I believed that all sorts of magical changes would take place. Immediately
I have discovered a lot of things about my relationships and about me this week. Yesterday, I started reading a thread that talked about obsession and codependency. Something struck a nerve, and I pulled up a wiki that gave a quick and dirty top 10 symptoms. 4 of them nailed me perfectly. I hadn't even understood what codependency meant prior to this. A friend of mine had suggested that I borrow the book "Codependent No More" about 8 years ago, but of course I didn't need any help; my husband did. After a horrendous night (more in a bit about that), I downloaded the book to my Kindle and spent about half the night reading it. So much makes sense now. I can see many of these aspects in myself, and even more in my AH! I can also see some tendencies in my daughter (perfectionism, always trying to please). I am so thankful that I had all of these resources available, as I really don't know how I would have stayed sane this week.
We did have more sadness last night as well. A pretty bad, but quick argument with my H about me taking my daughter for a driving lesson at 8:45 pm (she has to have at least 10 night time hours of practice for her license), and he went to bed. Yes, he had consumed his usual amount of alcohol for the day. After we came back. I sat in the living room (our yurt) and was going to read for a short time. I heard AH make some noise in the bedroom, nothing alarming, just some footsteps and a sound like he had bumped into the wall, then heard the commode flush, and thought nothing of it. A few minutes later, he found me and told me that he had fallen in the bedroom. When I went in, I discovered that he had fallen into one of the bedside table lamps and there was broken glass all over the floor and bed. He has pretty severe back and spinal issues, so I was mostly concerned about any injuries that he might have sustained, and after checking him over pretty thoroughly, I cleaned up the mess. He wanted to talk about what happened as he was pretty disturbed about the whole incident. His doctor told him that it is possible that he might find himself in a wheel chair later in life if his condition worsens, and he wanted to dissect what happened to try and determine the cause. Just as I was about to add my 2cents, the phone rang and it was his sister calling to tell him that his mother had finally passed away. Naturally, that put an end to our discussion, and we all finally went to bed around 2 am. This morning, I did tell him that he might consider an appointment to update his condition, and to rule out any other health issues that might have contributed (family history of diabetes, low blood sugar). I did tell him that his drinking could have contributed as well. Well, I was happily surprised that he agreed, and was not angry that I suggested it.
This afternoon though, at 2 pm....You guessed it. The first beer. I wonder how many times this will need to happen now. I am itching to make the doctor appointment for him, but the rational part of my brain is telling me to let him do it himself. He is in a bit of pain today, so I am hoping it will be an early night.
For all of our sakes.