"I was seeing and experiencing the worst, but it is not constant. One feeling that I can't get away from is that compared to others that I have read about, his behaviors are not as bad as most"
I get this. My situation is not that different. There are days it's fine, but there are days I wouldn't wish on anyone. Like yours, my AH is worse when there are stressors. Really, though, this is NOT a normal lifestyle. Just because there are those who have it worse doesn't mean it's okay. You are smart to have started meditating! I took much much longer to start true self-care and stop sticking my head in tHe sand,
Have a wonderful weekend! It sounds good.