Originally Posted by
jazzfish 
I would be very interested in how I can deal with these feeling while being sober. It just seems so overwhelming. I hope this makes some sense.
Ah there's the rub! I too think that's what sobriety is all about. Learning how to feel and deal with feelings. We drunks just pick up in reaction to well.. maybe everything. I think it's about learning tools and alternatives...learning how to cope...learning that we are ALL flawed humans who makes mistakes and hopefully..eventually..learn from them. I wholeheartedly agree with the OP who suggests you do some reading on shame. John Bradshaw has excellent work on the subject also. Getting to those ugly shame roots is crucial.
You are a beautiful and much needed human in this world community and there's no reason to kick yourself around when you just didn't know any better. You need support, information, coping mechanisms, love, guidance, time, healing, deep breaths, laughter and smiles, hugs....tools in the toolbox. Seek everything you need but stop kicking yourself....you're lovely.