Originally Posted by
daddoo 
...It's a constant fight. Worst when I'm alone. ... I just can't see making it with a slip or relapse whatever you want to call it. Kind of want to get it over with. That's where I'm at pretty much every day. Can't say I feel any pride for the six weeks either. Depressing.
Patience and vigilance. This too shall pass. One day at a time...
I know, believe me I do... what I just told you sounds so happy-crappy and reads like monotonous, boring clichés that might only serve to irritate your current state, but honestly, those quotes ring so true.
In other words, your nail biting will end whether you go out and pound drinks down your gullet or not. Wouldn't you rather wait out the tension and be sober when it's over; rather than sick, hungover, and feeling like dog dung, waiting to try again after you've damaged your liver and life some more?
To stop drinking (for us) is nothing less than a battle waging inside your skull, and each time you win the fight, the next time gets less ominous and less harsh, until a point when you're barely thinking about it at all. That is 100% the way this thing goes, for everyone. I rarely even think about booze anymore, and the singular difference between you and me is one thing only... sober time.
It's merely these first few months that make us all basket-cases. Stick it out and there will be better days ahead. Your only other option is to NOT stick it out and live with the agony of alcoholism some more. You know, hangovers, shame, guilt, <enter laundry list>.
Keep it up daddoo, we're pulling for ya.