There is hope!
Hi Kitty,
I, like EZ, am a recovering addict and a pharmacist. I was addicted to Oxy's. We don't have Tramadol in Canada, but I looked up a monograph and it sounds like it may as well be an opiate.
I know how you're feeling. It feels hopeless-but its not. Things do get better. I agree with the previous posts-really try to get to NA. The experience of hearing your story come out of someone elses mouth is invaluable-it will affirm my next statement-YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
It is so helpful to hear stories from people who are going through the same things as you are. In terms of treatment, I went to a centre that was supposed to be geared towards health professionals. It wasn't. It was still the most important experience of my life. I understand your fears-try to find a center that fits for you, but if you can't, go anyway. And, EZ gave you the same advice I was given. Although it may be difficult to see the positives right now, this is opportunity to share your experience in addiction with colleagues/fellow health professionals/patients that are suffering. But, let's not put the cart before the horse. This is a time when you need to worry about you AND today. The most important thing right now is to detox and get some clean time. After that things begin to get clearer and its easier to face fears and obstacles that may present themselves in the future.
I, also, love my job, and am not prepared to give it up (at this point). The sooner we start focussing on recovery, everything else will fall into place.
Take care of yourself, and keep sharing!!
CK