you wrote the post I have been waiting 17 years to find and read. i did an email to my mother...and she has never forgiven it...and it has been very hard...(understatement)...I am pretty sure she is a narcissist. she is still working to destroy me...and I stayed attached (trying to apologize for hurting her feelings etc etc). after Dad died, she reacted...waited 4 years, I was 'helping' her...but it was awful...and well, finally went into no contact in February and am grieving. my letter was read by a pastor and two christian therapists who found it well written and with my true feelings...she is livid and will be for the rest of her life...i felt guilty for the longest time, but it freed me...and over time (yes, I am a slow learner)...I have done so many things that I would not have had the strength to do if I was still taking care of all her emotional needs...thank you for the reminder that remembering is healthy as lately I had been questioning that again. i am so glad that you posted...thank you.