Originally Posted by
AnvilheadII 
suggestion #1 - quit trying to analyze and rationalize and make sense of what he did and why. you can keep asking more and more people what they think but the bottom line is.....he ended things and it's OVER. people DO cut others off without another word all the time...in some cases it's healthy to do so, in ALL cases it's THEIR CHOICE to do so.
suggestion #2 - quit pumping well meaning "friend" for info about what he's doing and who he's doing it with. if you two are truly friends surely you can find OTHER things to talk about rather than dissecting your ex.
you keep going over the same plot of land, over and over and round and round and you are creating a deep rut for yourself. the more time we spend over in someone else's head the harder is to find the way back to our own. give yourself a break from all this. spend at least as much time exploring your own life as you do keeping track of his and i think you will be quite pleased.
Boon, our situations are very very similar. In fact, many people on here have almost the same situation, just put different faces on the Codie and the Alkie but the stories are the same. This might be long, but I need you to understand how crazy making it is to not only have inside info, but ruminate about it constantly.
I do have to agree with Anvil. My stxah's best friend and I have become very close friends. Sure, initially we talked about how ****** up everything is, and he has listened and told me what was going on. I heard things that I probably didn't want to know. I saw texts from my Ah to him about me, I heard about what he said about me to him. Everything, all the dirt, I heard it. And it stung, it sucked and then, I heard he was going back to his abusive alkie affair partner that he left our marriage for initially. Felt like I was hit with a stun gun. My brain literally stopped firing, and I sat there open mouthed, not able to say a word. I didn't need to hear that, you know? But, he did me a favor by telling me. After all, he left me to go get sober right?
I only recently came to a point where, I just didn't want to TALK about him anymore, or even KNOW what was going on in his world. And I told his buddy that, I said, John, unless he's dead or in jail, I cannot talk about it anymore, thank you for being such a good friend to both of us, but, I have to stop going over and over again about what happened and as much fun as it is to make fun of affair chick, she's just as sick as he is, and I don't want this topic in my life anymore and I feel bad for both of them at this point. I'm doing my best to move on and re-hashing everything is holding me back right now. He agreed.
So, we hang out every week and talk about other stuff, like physics, the universe, 80's music, tv, sports...I appreciate him for letting me know what was going on, but I didn't want to sit here 6 months from now still going over the same crap. And he is such a good friend. Both to my ex and I. I really value him as a human.
My husband and I broke up, our relationship is over. Permanently. He has a right to see whoever he wants to, if he wants to revisit someone who destroyed his house and many of my possessions while at the same time breaking his nose, that is his right. It's ****** up, but it is his life, and his alone. Not mine. He left me, twice in the last 8 months, what am I holding on to at this point? I could sit here for the next year and have conversations about how ****** up it is, but, I promised myself, no, this time, DONE, OVER.
It feels really good to be in pain once you're used to it, because that's your set point, that's where you're comfortable. It is uncomfortable to let that pain go and maybe feel, anger, and then, acceptance. And after that, happiness and contentment. But here we are, in our pain set point, not realizing that while it feels like and old friend, that friend is also becoming your enemy.
It is OK to let him go and let him do his thing. Trust me, knowing that he is with a woman he got arrested for beating him killed me. It was also in a way freeing. I know now, I have to let it go, for good. I am not God, I am not all powerful, I have to let him choose his own path. And while he chose really really badly, it is his path to walk. And who knows, maybe they will both get help and be healthy. I doubt it for obvious reasons, but, the world works in mysterious ways.
Let it go and find yourself again. She's waiting inside, and she misses you.