part of me
Part of me...is excited it is almost Friday night.. Sigh. Always the night it is "okay" to drink. Sick of these cycles....saying I'm not gonna drink and the closer forefathers the more I try to say hey....just one night. You won't drink on Saturday just Friday. And it turns into every night until it's Wed the next week and you say hey it's almost the weekend anyways might as well finish this week and start over on Sunday.
I didn't buy any vodka last weekend and ran out. Said Sunday I was not going to drink....found myself drinking an old bottle I found in the garage and when that ran out I drank all the liquors in the cabinet. Super....I haven't drank since then but everyday closer to the weekend I'm talking myself into and the back out of getting a bottle and just relaxing.
What do I need more willpower? I feel like I don't want to...it sad to think never again can I drink. I like to drink. I know I'm being childish but ugh. How do I flip the switch. it feels like saying you can never wear shoes again....I know spending this much time thinking about this is just one more sign that I can't drink anymore. But we're can I find the push to shut up that voice.