Just wanted to add a quick update. I've not been to a few more Al Anon meetings, still hard to go sometimes but I'm trying to find some that might work for me. I also went to MD and got some meds finally, something to help me sleep and something for the depression. Not anything so strong it will take away all the pain but something to just help me get up and function every day while I learn to deal with all of this.
I also wanted to put something out there that the MD (psychiatrist) said to me yesterday. In asking me my history and about my current situation he asked what kind of an A my ex was, a cold and distant A or a up close and invasive A. While he could be a little of both he was much more of a cold and distant A I told him. He asked if my ex had tried to have any contact with me since I left and I told him no, just a cold text he sent me after I'd moved out stating how much he was hurting, how he thinks daily about what I brought to his life, and how much he will always love me and be there for me if I need him and that he would never discard me...with a Please! at the end of the text. BTW I did not respond to this text and the next time I saw him was when I confronted him at the house when he was with the other person and I spent 2 hours then really saying all I needed to say to both of them. But, since that time nothing from him, no text, phone call, nothing. I've also not had any contact at all with him. He did tell me when I saw him that night how hurt he was that I never responded to his text and I told him what would I have said...he did kick me to the curb and he did discard me so how was I suppose to feel?
So, here is my question...the MD said that some A's can be just so cold and distant that they just cut people off and out of their lives....with no apparent problem. This is exactly what it feels like to me. It's like he has this new person and I never existed at all. 7 years and he has no need to check to make sure I'm okay? To not need to be in contact with me at all? I know in the long run many are going to say this is a good thing for me but to just be CUT out of someone's life like that after 7 years...is this typical of anyone else's experience? It just adds to my confusion and pain over everything. He knew how awful I was feeling and how devastated I was over everything and NOTHING from him? My sister even thinks its odd and says that if the guy had any real feelings or ability to have any empathy at all he would reach out to someone, even if not me, to see if I was okay? Just feels so cold...and creepy.
Oh, but I did get a phone call from his best friend/boss the other day who I'd become friends with over the years and he was very kind, supportive, and is clear about what is going on with my ex. He has known him a long time...since highschool. He said he knew I always wanted to see the best in my ex and how much I tried to make him happy, not feel so negative, etc...but that until he is ready, my ex is not going to change and that no matter who he is with now my ex can't ever have a real relationship until he deals with years of emotional issues. I think this healed a littel part of my heart and I told him so. He shared with me that he and his wife and our group of friends (with whom my ex works so I will likely see little of them now) all think the world of me and have so much respect for me and understand what I've been dealing with all this time and that they've often wondered how I've stayed this long. Again, validating but bitter sweet because it does not change the outcome that my relationship is over. He also told me that my ex has also isolated himself from this friend and one other guy at work that he is close to and is not really interacting or saying much to anyone. In fact he was asked to go to dinner one night by one of these guys he works with and he declined I guess, saying he was just going to bed and it was like around 8:00 which this friend found strange. We spoke briefly about what happened the week before I left and he knows about this other person and that I believe my ex cheated on me and why I think so. This friend new about how my ex was dating this new person b/c he was the one my ex asked a few weeks ago about what would happen if he were to date a co-worker and was told that due to company policy they would both get fired or one would have to quit... that was when the other woman quit her job. So, not such a big secret and I didn't reveal it to this friend b/c he obviously knew. Trying to stay on my side of the street here but we did talk about the likelhood that he and this other person are likely spending their time together and doing things like drinking, smoking weed, or whatever...but the friend says my ex is likely feeling ashamed about some things and does not want to be confronted or deal with talking to his friends about anything so he is keeping his distance. I don't know and I'm not going to seek out any further conversations with anyone about what is or is not going on with my ex, but it was nice to get this validating phone call from this friend.
Looking for any feedback on my thoughts, especially about what the MD said about how some A's can just cut people off and be so cold. In the past he has always called me and told me to come back, feeling guilty, lonely, etc...guess his no need now. I've been replaced...