Hi Briar
I had many years of hating myself, and thinking I was not worth it...when I wasn't thinking that I was thinking everyone else hated me and thought I was worthless.
Those kinds of feelings were further fuelled by my drinking, or they led me to think about drinking in the moments when I was sober.
Of course the truth is you're not worthless and you're not an outsider
You belong here
stay strong - don't listen to the voice - you already know what listening to the voice gets you.
Try something different - keep going, stay sober - you'll find, like I did, that your perceptions will change the longer you stay sober
D