Addiction and Control
So I've dealt with a couple addicts in my life time, but this one by far has to be the worst. His name is Jay, and he is my Bf's brother. Jay was a responsible , hard working guy until about 2-3 years ago his girlfriend of 6 years left him. He started with: Alcohol, to Smoking Pot, to Oxy's then he quit them after a month, and went to Ecstasy, and now he's taking MDMA, and Clonazepam. We all (Me, My Boyfriend, Other Brother, his Parents) had sympathy for Jay because we felt he was hurting. Over time it just became old, over a year had gone by and his behavior and everything was just getting worse. We had no idea he was taking so much, but as soon as we saw it was becoming to much My boyfriend decieded to try and talk to Jay about what he was doing, and for him to get his goals straightened out (Jay all the sudden wanted to become a rapper). After my boyfriend said this to him Jay has been on this streak to just get rid of my boyfriend. My boyfriend has been ignoring him for over 3 months, he walks past him and says nothing, but Jay constantly is trying to pick at him, and will send him texts saying things that break his self esteem down so much. Jay is also the oldest brother. In these 2 months, Jay has broken up the cars 3 times. They've had to be sent to a Mechanic.. I will say the parents are being enablers, because they still have that hope in their head that their Responsible , Sensible son is in there but they just are having a hard time realising that he is completely changed. Jay throws the biggest tantrums. When he needs money he will throw them, and when he's on the drugs he will try his hardest to irritate my boyfriend to start a fight , so he can run to his parents and act like the victim and tell them to throw my boyfriend out. He will purposely try to compete with him, and sometimes just start fights with his parents bringing up past issues with him that have already been talked out, just to start a fight. When they try to defend my boyfriend and tell Jay to stop, he will scream at the top of his lungs and just yell even louder, and be so loud to over power everything they are saying. My boyfriend just sits there in his room and quietly takes it all. Jay has even resorted to saying things with dirty intentions about me and my boyfriend and our personal lives together just to get at him. It's hurtful to us, because we've spent so many years just trying to be there for him, inviting him out, supporting him, talking to him through everything. He's become this person that wants control, and he likes to make people so unhappy and suffer for it. He lies so much, to seem like the victim to his parents, and to make his two other brothers look bad. He picks them apart to pieces, even though their minding their buisness trying to get on with life. He just started working this week, and for months now even when he didnt have a job he'd get make my boyfriend feel so bad about not having a job. My boyfriend tries hard every day to find a job, he's gone on multiple interviews, and Jay tries his hardest to bring him down by yelling and starting fights that hes not working bla bla even though Jay isnt himself. Saying my boyfriend doesnt contribute at all to the family, but he's been working his ass off to get a job, and in this time it's hard to get one. Everyone has defended him saying thats his responsibility and his buisness, he's working on it , why do you keep trying to pick fights and bringing it up, and he just yells even louder then trying to make it seem like he wants the best for the family. It's just a way to control everyone. He also writes stuff on social networking sites, saying how in 2013 he's messing with everyone's head. He really is hurting us all, and he keeps going and keeps fighting. He's keeps pressing buttons on purpose. Also it seems like he doesn't want anyone succesful. He overheard my boyfriend telling their mom that he wants to quit smoking in all, and he wants her support and help since then he's been trying to make things more stressful. Also with the other brother he has many tests coming up for his University course, and he started a fight today as soon as he got home, and he couldnt even study due to this. It seems he wants to ruin everyone's chance at success. I can go on with examples but this post is getting to long.
Has anyone else dealt with someone like this, thats constantly trying to pick fights while on the drugs? Who cant stand to see anyone else happy, and tries to ruin everyone's happiness. Also someone who just doesn't want to see others succesful? Someone who constantly tries being the victim? I'd love to hear if anyone has anything in common with this story. It's been extremely hard.