I've been a 1 and 2 with my wife - mostly a 2. I could care less about 'shame'. The most I did was help her hide stuff from her family.
I can tell my attitudes have changed. She is almost 6 months sober and drank again at her parent's house while on vacation. They didn't know before - but do now. My first thoughts when I heard were "She must feel terrible. How embarrasing." Six months ago I would have "Good for you! Are you PROUD of yourself you little drunk?!"
Big difference in attitude can lead to some big differences in behavior.