Hi AliceCat, I've just come back from my very first AA meeting tonight and feel very enthusiastic about it, but of course not everyone is going to feel the same way about things.
I'm only 4 days into recovery, so I don't really have any useful experience to share with you (and I might look pretty stupid if I fall off the wagon tomorrow after trying to give you "advice"!) , but I thought I'd share my thoughts on what you said about feeling uncomfortable with the idea of being powerless over alcohol. For me, that realisation of powerlessness actually feels like a weight coming off my shoulders. I don't have to beat myself up trying to drink 'normally', I don't have to go out at night, struggle to limit myself to two or three drinks, fail, get blasted and then hate myself in the morning. That particular fight is over. I lost. Fair enough, its a big blow to my self-image and I'm scared about the changes I'm going to have to make in light of that, but thats just the way it is for me. Tough.
Now that I'm happy to accept that, I can get on with a fight that perhaps I CAN win...not picking up that first drink in the first place.
There are of course alternatives to AA, and you might well find one that works out much better for you. But for me, that resistance I had to accepting my powerlessness was actually the main part of my problem over the past 20 years. I'm letting that go now, and I feel al the better for it.
Whatever works for you, keep going, keep striving, keep strong!